If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize