Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Randomize
