Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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