apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
