Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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