his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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