Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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