it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
