i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My vagina just clenched in fear
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
