So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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