Acid is not a monday night drug
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
