the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
please come you make the beer taste better
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I need a burrito and a hug.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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