My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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