I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
