I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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