so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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