I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
