he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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