speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
