I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
