im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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