i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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