He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
