so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
