I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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