And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
