What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize