So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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