At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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