tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
