If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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