Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
