Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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