At least make sure they are 18
Why
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
