I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
