Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
