Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
