I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
