just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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