I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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