just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your tits are I can't wait for
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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