I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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