I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
