If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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