So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
