You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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