I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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