sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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