Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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