He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
