im about as happy as oj after his trial
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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