Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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