It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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