I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
