so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize