goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so let's talk penis.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
