a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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