Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
