I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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