At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
