my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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