What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
