There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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