never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
