someone owes me an orgasm
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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