Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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