well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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