I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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