i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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