i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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