My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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