just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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