well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
